Abuse and EPE

Note from ^cat^ : EPE is an acronym for Erotic Power Exchange

Thanks for the interest...

There is much written about the specific technologies for manufacturing consent, creating dependency, modifying behaviour, thought, emotions, attitudes. I have listed some of the links below.

I feel it is extremely important that anyone who engages in EPE/BDSM, or whatever else we call this sacred Art, is aware of this stuff.

Why?

• Ability to differentiate our ways from abusive ways and explain this to others

• Ability to understand and make informed and educated use of the psychological techniques of behaviour modification (how many of us dabble in the arenas of psychological manipulation without really knowing how it works or its longer terms effects...what happens when we unearth something traumatic, unexpected...real?)

• Ability to understand and make use of dissociative states and other non-usual mental states which may be frightening but can be very useful.

• Ability to use some of the recovery techniques used to help cult-leavers for coming down from long sessions, for earthing, and grounding.

So now for a little more explanation of the ways in which this stuff can be of use.

Those who do not understand our ways may see us as being in abusive relationships and it is important that we are able to distinguish what we are doing from abuse. Especially to parents, families etc who, for want of information, could be justifiably insecure about our ways. So we can use the information about abusive relationships to be informed and have our own minds clear about what we are doing, and then we can also help others understand...

There is quite a lot of information out there about dissociation and related mental health issues. Everyone has small episodes of dissociation, "a wee daze", "daydreaming", "fantasizing", even reading a book so avidly that you don't realise you are turning over the page, "VT trance"...These are all dissociative states and in fact sub-space can be thought of as a very positive and healthy use of a dissociative state. (You know...the pain is happening somewhere else...) The trouble is when this state happens and your sub or you don't know what is happening and anxiety sets in, or if you have trouble coming out of the state. So read about it.

The information on behaviour modification and how attitudes change etc, these are just tools. In abusive relationship these tools are used unethically and to the detriment of the subject, however, as Tom Lambert points out in his excellent book "The Power of Influence" :

"Any influence tool is ethical is long as one thing is borne carefully and consistently in mind. If you can create a genuine win/win situation by ensuring that the outcome you seek meets the needs or desires of the other person in a way which will give them something important which they want, then you need not question the means..."

Important, important stuff...

So we can use many of the techniques that brainwashers, and other compliance manufacturing scumbags and drek have abused, we can take back those technologies and use them for extacy...

The main differences between EPE and abuse are:
• EPE is based on consent, not manufactured, but informed knowing consent...

• Longer term EPE relationships are based on love and mutual respect and growth, and the extremities that EPE evokes will soon show things that are not working...

• EPE is based on EXPLICIT knowledge on both sides about what you are engaging in. Cults and abusers keep their subjects in the dark about their real intentions.

• Explicit contracting, whether verbal or written - rare if not unknown in abusive situations.

• But the main thing is the fundamental message: YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH. In an EPE relationship, the submissive is treasured and wanted and desired. The Dom wants them to grow and be all they can be, but they are ALREADY GOOD ENOUGH!!! The major focal point in abusive relationships is that you are NOT GOOD ENOUGH, never good enough, so wretched and crap that you deserve what you get from the abusers, and should be thankful for it {grrrrrr} and you should NEVER NEVER TELL ANYONE!!!...powerful program that, "Don't tell"...

(See how frighteningly close some of our humiliation roleplay can get to seriously dodgy real life situations, but we have to remember it is roleplay in a GOOD ENOUGH safe space. Lambert again...)

Do not underestimate the power of EPE interactions. I hold that they are among the most powerful existent and that EPE is an ancient and uniquely sacred Art. We can take back technologies that are rightfully ours from the abusers and deceivers and make them work for us rather than against us. And that with all our eyes wide open, and fully aware of what we are doing, with whom and where we are heading, and always with Love, Courage, Skill, and Wisdom...ok?

::: Addendum :::
"Not-now" is NOT the same as "Yes"

Think upon it, and beware of it, from both sides. Beware that Monday morning syndrome... where the sub has come down and freaked about what has happened and the intensity and the societal norms come crashing down..and the result is... "S/He must have manipulated me into doing this perverted stuff!!"

"Truth is stronger than lies" - lies & secrets hurt you....there is nothing you could have done can be soo bad that you have to keep it secret....

"Love is stronger than fear" - as we know...from pushing limits in our relationships, but to accept that as the truth in ALL cases...that is hard...

LOOK AT THIS:

POWERotics/Dutch BDSM Media Center/National Leather Association coproduction "Erotic Power Exchange and abuse" - http://www.powerotics.com/powerotics/relat7.htm

Now for the links:

The Freedom from Abusive Relationships pages - good
http://www.geocities.com/Athens/Forum/3192/

AFF: good general reference:
http://www.csj.org

This link shows how the Marines are not a cult and some of the points can be translated to our own circumstances http://www.csj.org/marine.html

Here is a checklist for identifying a cultic/type group
http://www.csj.org/checklis.html

This is a long book on behaviour modification with a fresh insight...not focussed on abuse as such
http://www.as.wvu.edu/~sbb/comm221/primer.htm

This is annissa area..all about dissociation, trauma, ritual abuse etc...
http://www.azstarnet.com/~annisar/

The reading room at Divided Hearts: - this is very good and don't forget to read about multiple personalities...ask yourself who and what exactly is your VT persona?...pretty real?...worth an open-minded read...does not mean you have a disorder in any way...just an interesting point of view...
http://www.dhearts.org/libraries/read/

Rick Ross has a lot of good stuff on recovery, don't miss the exerpts from "Cults in our midst"...
http://www.rickross.com/

Also Carol Giambalvo:
http://members.aol.com/carol2180/index.htm

These are good to start off with. When you read these you might find yourself thinking...this has nothing to do with me...but if you are actively engaging in psychological manipulation either as director or recipient...you need to know about this stuff...

(Also please remember that a cult is not necessarily some religious organisation or pyramid selling structure...any private dictatorship can be considered a cult and the same principles apply...whether it is a one-on-one cult or a worldwide terror organisation...)

Be safe...be informed...you might even learn something new...

Love, leetah, ward of Qain