Topping From The Bottom I

personal view by ^cat^

On a listserve it was mentioned:

Almost as hard is for the sub/slave to teach or communicate
ideas to her dom/master, in a manner which does not break
the DS relationship and turn into topping from the bottom.


I've changed my mind 3 times about whether I'd respond to this... *sigh* I've never had a problem communicating desires, needs, or what-have-you to my Master, Craig. Not in the context of what I quoted, anyway. Don't know if it's that his mind is so open to listening, processing and trying things with me or what.

Even in the local (read that as "R/T") submissive's SIG I belong to, I've heard other submissives ask, "How do I let my dominant know what I want without it sounding like I'm trying to take charge?" And I don't get it. I tell them, "Well.... you open your mouth and say honey/Master/Sir (whatever you call him) and you talk." And that's how I see it. It can be really exciting (embarrassing but exciting) to sit with him, maybe even in his lap, and run fantasies past him. When I'm having trouble expressing something to Craig, because the ol' jaw locks up and my face turns bright red, I either tell him without looking at him or I put it in a story.

But, if something isn't RIGHT, a story wouldn't work. Those sort of things need to be handled immediately. That's not the direction I'm going, here, though. Mutually sharing needs, desires, limits, should be something done LONG before a d/s relationship gets past the initial negotiation stages. Although negotiating, IMO, should be an ongoing thing, I've noticed that in established relationships it's seldom done with a checklist prior to every scene. *grin*

So, why is it that many subs feel they are topping their top if they express what they want out of the relationship? And, to turn it around, why do quite a few doms resent the very input that could make for a mutually satisfying time with the sub?

There's a BIG difference between the kind of manipulation that is self serving and intentionally done to control a given situation - what I consider TFTB - and communication, even if that communication happens at inopportune moments.

(Usual disclaimers apply. All opinions in this post are those of the writer only and not meant to convey a set of rules or "This Is How It Must Be". Your mileage may (and probably WILL) vary.