TPE 1

personal view by Hans Meijer

[It was mentioned] But I can't imagine how literal TPE (if such a thing could exist at all) could be based on anything but the most monumental of terrors. Near-TPE? That's a very different story. But literal TPE? I can't see how to TOTALLY disempower somebody unless they're quite severely damaged.

I think it's about time somebody start to write a TPE FAQ , if nothing else, at least to try and cope with the misconceptions about the concept:

First (to everyone talking about the legality of TPE-contracts) there ARE NO TPE CONTRACTS, because TPE is not about that. Neither is it about slavery. There is no need to question the legality of TPE, neither to even try and discuss whether or not a TPE contract would stand up in court. Simply - again - because TPE-contracts do not exist. Why not? Because there is no need for them.

And why would that be? Well, ask yourself the following questions. Do you need a contract to breathe? Do you need to make up a contract with whatever or whome-ever that supplies the oxygen you need to secure supplies? Do you make a contract with your local baker to supply your daily bread? No you don't. Well, a similar situation applies to especially the sub involved in a TPE situation: her dom and the situation she is in is the air that she breathes. She can not live without it. If she was to leave the relationship she would fade away - her reason to live would disappear.

Now, don't tell me that this need indicates she is either weak, distorted, has a low self-image, an unhealthy mind or whatever, because that is misconception number two. All subs I have met who are really in TPE (and as I have mentioned frequently there are very, very little REAL TPE situations) are very strong, very intelligent and well adjusted women that have gone through a long and difficult process (or are still doing so) to reach the status they desire. That is a difficult, often painful and socially, mentally and technically complicated process that will not come over night but takes years and years to build. It is done through a careful path of decisionmaking, step by step, constantly experimenting, trying to evaluate and adjusting to new situations as well as adjusting the situation itself.

It is also not about control-issues (like you may "only" dress like this, talk like that, do this and this at certain times and in certain ways). The concept is about - slowly and carefully - trying to establish a situation where the sub has very little or (ultimately or ideally) no control over her own life. Once the couple gets to the stages where this "no control situation" starts to emerge, there is first of all no need for such control issues, simply because the daily life situation as such is probably difficult enough as at is (especially the psychological aspects of it) and things like verbally expressing your submissiveness, kneeling and all other more or less physical "proof" of submission are not needed and - to the couple involved - feels like "useless theatre" (no offense to others, just trying to explain the differences here. Let me try and give an example here.

A TPE-couple will usually start with implementing things that will make the sub feel her control over every day life is starting to diminish. One way to this will be to take away her drivers license. A careful and wise couple will do that on a test-basis first and will let her experience for a longer period of time what is feels like that this piece of freedom is taken away. Even this relatively minor thing will lead to the fact that her life changes dramatically. Every time she needs to go to work, go shopping or whatever she now either has to go on foot, bike, public transportation or rely on someone else - usually the dom - to drive her. This has nothing to do with "limiting her abilities to leave the dom", but with the fact that every time she has to go out, to her it feels like she is "living her life as a full sub", because almost everything in life - by this one thing only - will now need different decisions, different solutions and such.

To elaborate more on this single example only - what this will lead to over time (talking about consequences) is that her license will expire and her driving skills and experience will diminish. Meaning that if the relationship has been in place for say ten years or so - getting out of it will at least mean getting a new license, hence taking the exam again and thus taking lessons. That is a very simple example of the influence, TPE has and the consequences of it. It shouldn't be that difficult to try and imagine that after a few years and many more of such things being in place, leaving the relationship becomes increasingly difficult from a technical point of view and then we are not even talking about the emotional/psychological aspects (the air that she breathes).

Mind you, this all does not mean the sub is "endlessly happy" with the fact that she can no longer do certain things. In fact, anything but. There are times when the sub will rebel against it, fear it, will feel hopeless about it. Punishing such rebellion - in the more or less standard epe-way - would be the stupidest thing the dom can do. Understand it, giving her time to accept it, supporting her and coaching her is what he needs to do. Which is why your standard "punishing" thing doesn't work in TPE either and in no way forms part of the concept. If "punishment" was involved, the sub would feel/see this as an outright insult to the fact that she is trying to live her life the way she wants and as a result would be taken as an act of misunderstand and damage the trust.

Hopefully this explains a bit more about TPE, and hopefully it also explains why so many "information" around actually has little or nothing to do with what TPE is all about. Oh .... btw .... please don't give the standard no SOPs [Standard Operating Procedures] routine. There are SOPs - for example the fact that any heterosexual relationship requires at least one heterosexual male and one heterosexual female *grin*.

Hans