Trust 1

Asked on "Trust and Sharing Thoughts / Feelings":
And, if so, what do you do to get past this?

Take your time. Build the levels of trust and your relationship. I think that's a pretty rough rule to put on a not-under-the-same-roof relationship but it works for some, obviously.

See, it seems to me that sharing your thoughts is pretty damned intimate and NOT something easy to do. Not even when you feel you trust that other person implicitly. It's easy to say "I feel rotten because the boss has been on my ass all day". Yet when you're depressed, can't put your finger on it and really do NOT feel like analyzing let ALONE speaking your tail-chasing thoughts, it would seem counter productive to HAVE to vocalize them.

But to know that you *could*, that the person isn't going to leave you because you've said or felt something negative, THAT is a wonderful feeling. And it takes time to build up to that point, no matter how much you love that person. There is a fear of rejection in many of us that is difficult to get around. I might trust someone with my physical life but not my emotions. Or trust them with my emotions and body but not with my inner most thoughts. And it's not even that lack of trust in THEM but your own insecurities that are bringing it about. Time. It all takes time to develope.

When I've been with someone long enough to start sharing thoughts, I need to know, to feel, that they're receptive to these things. I've all too often told someone of a desire and the topic was never discussed again let alone acted upon. That's heartbreaking, in a way. Or believed a man when he told me he wanted to see all sides of me, wanted to know me completely (no, folks, it didn't happen over night!), and then finally get to the point where I can show what I consider the "down side" only to realize by his reactions that he didn't want to see that stuff at all. That's devastating.

And I think it's that instinct that causes people to keep a part of themselves separate, at least until they're ready to share those things.

prrrrrrrrrrrrrs,
^cat^

This dance will torture your agonized soul
This dance will fill your loins
This dance will touch your shrunken heart
and enlighten your narrow mind